The tale of a sexpot closet floor

So, my feet are a saucy set of sad whores who every so often compel me to buy a pair of shoes befitting to their status... I blame my Aunt Martha, and my sad clad ladies of the evening thank her so much! While I was up in Middletown this past weekend, my Aunt Martha and I went shopping. As we were heading to the Old Navy (which I usually steer well clear of... their commercials make me so angry I could gnaw the Formica off my kitchen countertops), we passed by DSW and had to go in and make asses of ourselves. It's a Middletown tradition, that when I'm in town, we go to the DSW, and try on all the saucy shoes we'd never every buy, and then I make a bunch of pictures of our feet in all of their stiletto glory and we howl like lunatics and scare the other shoppers... there's comfort in ritual. Anyhoo, besides trying on said shoes, I've also come to have quite a collection that I've purchased at Aunt Martha's insistence that they look divine on, and I must wear them immediately and all day long. hmm... not going so well so far... but the floor of my closet looks amazing! So, I promised Aunt Martha that when I got home, I'd make a picture of every single pair of shoes I own and share a story if they had one...
Here goes... you may want to go to the restroom or grab some coffee... I've got a lot of shoes!!!
bought these this weekend with Aunt Martha. To me they say dirty punk rock, but so available and takes shower daily... never been worn...
mmmmm... bought these this weekend with Aunt Martha too! Wore them to 'Aunt' Jeannie and Billy's house, and as we were leaving, Jeannie had to hold my elbow as I wobbled my way to the bathroom... ugh... they're so high!!! I hope to wear them again, and soon!! (possibility of that happening... very slim)
aah, yeah... bought these in Middletown too, for Mandi's wedding last year... they're great and I do wear them occasionally (very occasionally... ok, so I wore them twice last year...*sigh*)
Love them! Every girl needs a delightful pale pink pair of spring shoes for the first several weeks in spring when everything is in bloom... including ladies... ha! never worn them... have had them for over 5 years
bought these for the White House Press Photographers Dinner in 2006 when Chris was honored for one of his images he made in the Tsunami. I had on this gorgeous pale pink tiered dress that scalloped to the floor. Aly has the dress now and I've never worn these again... oh and they're so uncomfortable I could have thrown myself out of a moving car and sustained less bruising than my feet did that evening... but I can't throw them away and I'd totally wear them again... they looked so great on! (oh and apparently because I'm a complete moron)
HA! never worn them but really want to... (um, and have wanted to for about 3 years now...)
never worn, grr... have had these for over 5 years...
OH MIAMI!!! These are Betsey Johnson and I HAD TO have them. I found these when I was down in Miami with my mother a few weeks ago. I haven't worn them yet (huh, funny, 3 feet of snow and haven't had the chance to wear them yet... oh the excuses...) I made my mother try them on (we're the same size) but she wouldn't let me make a picture of her in them. Total bummer, she looked fab in them and her khaki shorts... I find them completely beautific, and when you take them off, they leave a dusting of glitter on your toes... *sigh...* chances of wearing them out... so so slender...
ooh, hahaha, never worn 'em... so saucy!!!
oh so sad... never worn... but silver stilettos (hahaha, had to spell check this word, got it so wrong!!) they look so awesome with skinny jeans!!
never worn them, but they were hand made in Italy!! come on! so sweet!!
I've worn them several times, but not once this past year...
HA! Aunt Martha demanded that I buy these! They're smoking hot, and I wore them out dancing in Middletown this past weekend with Kurt and Heather!! In fact these have an awesome story to them.
We made it out of DSW, finally, and headed over to Old Navy (I had a gift certificate) where Aunt Martha and I tried to find a couple of sweaters to go with the boots. We were victorious and poof! Holy Moly, that's me, in my new boots, sweater and leggings... No seriously, stop laughing, that is really me! hahaha!! Suh-weet! Aunt Martha made me pose like Masha (my gorgeous cousin who loves to pose like a model whenever a camera is near) and I had a great time doing it, posing like this is hilarious, everybody should try it, it makes you feel silly and about 10 years younger!! And then while we were out, I, in all my glory, fell in the garbage can at the bar that we had gone dancing at and ... yup, as we were leaving, I missed a step as my boots wobbled and tipped me sideways, and as I went to brace myself against the wall, I misjudged the distance and instead I fell into the tall garbage can up to my armpit... and then couldn't get out without help because my boot heels were so tall and skinny I couldn't get any leverage to hoist myself out of the garbage... yup, that's me... feeling like a smokin hot girl stuck in the garbage can... hahaha, serves me right for making such a saucy face...
so, this is not the same pair of boots that Aunt Martha made me buy, this is the lonely pair of boots that I bought because I so desperately want to be the girl that wakes up and throws something on and thinks, oh, I'll just wear these 'everyday boots' nothing flashy today... hahaha, I'm so not that girl, that when Aunt Martha told me to buy the 'makes me fall into garbage can' boots, I didn't even remember I had these... damn they're hot though, yes?!! rrrrrowr!!! sexy, sexy boots!!
eeh, brown boots I never wear... Amber gave them to me, and they're lovely... oh and I never wear them... lame me... they snake up your calves and look like they've been laquered to your legs... and yet, I never wear them...
so now we come to the shoes I actually do wear with some frequency... prepare to be underwhelmed... These are the shoes I wear to shoot weddings that are black tie ( or optional) they're, um, comfortable...
I'm wearing these like I hope to be buried in them and I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I think they look great, but I might look like I'm going to steal your mother... the verdict is still out and no one has said yea or nae on them.
ha, never worn 'em... cute though, yes?
These are my shooting boots. I use them to boost my height so I'm not shooting peoples nose hairs at events... These bad boys push me up to 5'6" or a little taller and I get better angles when I shoot with them... hahaha, little scary looking though... doesn't matter, I've had them for over 10 years and they're unbreakable
my sandals... love them, wear them all summer... usually with shorts and a ratty t-shirt... I need to update from the knees up this year...
wear them a couple times each year, people ask me if I speak English when I wear them... hahaha, oddly they make me look Hispanic... hey, I'll take it...
shoes that make my legs look fat... and yet I can't stop wearing the black pair because I feel cute as a button... a big, fat, round, black clad, button... but I won't stop wearing them... hahaha. ugh!!! I try to wear them with jeans, but the urge to wear them with a poofy skirt that hangs above my knees is sometimes quite overwhelming... (and always a bad idea!!! Ladies, don't be tempted!! Wear these only with jeans!!)
oh yeah... so I got these for Amber for one of her birthdays, I thought they were magically ugly... I got them back that next year for my birthday, they were apparently just ugly... they're going back to Amber this Christmas... neither of us have ever worn them... but oh how they make us laugh!
never worn them but oh I cannot wait! superhero sneakers... I'm so excited!!
wear them daily, hate the sight of them... so comfortable I've slept with them on... (no I was not passed out...)
super... I have crabs (on my feet)... the men are lining up to date me... *sigh* they're a summer staple
hmm, yeah... you're thinking smoking hot, aren't you... yup... smoking hot...
I'm embarrassed to even have these in my closet... wore them all the time last summer... sexy shoe lord, please forgive me...
I'm noticing a sad trend here... all the awesome shoes are at the top of this post... and yet, this is what I live in... These by the way were what I bought myself for my 34th birthday... hahaha!! 34 is for suckers!!! It's like turning 20... my sister just turned 20 and she said, oh yawn, can't drink, middle of college, no big thang... that's 34 too... weird huh?
Stoopid Mother nature, making me wear these every day for over 2 weeks... hate them so much, love that I have them (thank you Peter Miller circa 1996) and can't wait to hide them in the basement for a very long time, sometime very soon.
The girl the closet thinks I am...
the girl the rest of the house is familiar with... hahaha!!! *sigh* I gotta start wearing some of my shoes!!
Thanks for making me do a post about them Aunt Martha! This year I'm going to make it a point to wear each and every pair of these shoes... out in public... not just when I'm vacuuming the living room (I practice standing in them when I clean the house... hahahaha!!! I'm serious...)
and for anyone counting, that was 34 pairs of shoes... crazy huh!!
Cheers!